Read this if you are PMSing badly right now
The familiar suffocation rising again.
You are not feeling good and you don't really know why. Actually you know, you were just hoping, oh no, not again..
You are getting angry, feeling morose and unable to behave better despite knowing better.
You hate others seeing you like this when you are not at your best self because no matter how hard you try, you are still feeling miserable.
You blame you, you blame others, others blame you or are clueless slash indifferent and arghh it's just so messy.
You want to crush yourself or somebody else.
Emotions are running high and beyond.
Listen, you are being played by a hormonal change cycle. And it's not a fault. Not yours, nor anyone's. It is in-fact power that is disguised in suffering and this is how -
You are a phoenix that rises from its ashes every month.
And right now you are burning down.
But only to rise again.
You are born with a power bias, virtue of being a woman. The opportunity to shed your bygone self and change, and move on and move on, every few days, do you even realise what that means? You see, you just can't get stuck. Think about it, it's very hard to do that consciously. But you, you get an opportunity to reinvent every month, improvise every month, irrespective of what has occurred in the past. Constant change is also the way of the universe and you the feminine is in sync with that most seamlessly. The strength of the feminine shines through in life irrespective of the state of things that exists, have you noticed that? Where does that come from? Why is it so? I don't know but I do feel, all the bearings of being a woman pay off in the larger gamble of life. And to me, this doesn't need anyone's stamp of approval. It just is so.
I know you are in pain right now.
Nothing denies that.
But you need not fight it so much. Take a step back and try to see it for what it is. Allow yourself to be. Permit yourself to feel what you are feeling without trying to put too much meaning onto it. Arrange your circumstances as best as possible to not let it impose on others. I know you are feeling, that this ain't fair. Well, who is to say. What I can tell you is that there is good that comes off of it. You get to become a little more stronger every-time you cross this time even if you don't feel it. Watch your emotions. Many would be beyond reason but there will be plenty that can be decoded and in that lies the great opportunity. I could talk about how un-understood, un-factored in, un-cared for and with practically no help whatsoever this monthly event is dealt with by you. There are some ten points if you google on how to deal with PMS. Hot water battle, exercising regularly and relaxing. But wth. Who is to tell them that it has a new face each time. Its disguise keeps changing. And that advice doesn't help much honestly. It feels like no one has cared to go deeper into it when in fact there is so much that is contained in it.
Dear girl, you have to be your own warrior. If you're lucky enough to have someone who understands or is at-least trying to help, be really grateful. You still have to stay strong. They can't enter your body and mind. Look at them as support but don't lean too much because i/o helping, it's likely to frustrate you all. If it gets to a point where it gets unbearable, just find a spot and and sit down and do nothing. Watch the feeling. Observe what's going on. How is your body feeling the emotion. Is your heart heavy? Is your stomach light? Is your brow furrowed? When was the last time a smile played around your mouth? Is your pelvic area cramped? Break it down and hold your hand. Caress wherever it hurts. Shed a few tears if it's still too much. Bring a smile to your face even if it's a fake one. Think of a compliment that has stayed with you. Think of all the good things you have in your life. Think of things that you have been able to do against odds. This is where you turn PMS on its head.
The pain, the discomfort, the hell, in the end when it's over, it was all but a tough teacher. So listen and remember because it'll repeat as many times as necessary. Sometimes, it still might not be enough. Actually it's quite possible that it still ain't enough. Then at-least remember, that you are not alone in this. You and millions of your peers are going through this. Find support from that collective consciousness. Give support by being strong to that collective consciousness.
This is a time when faith starts failing. Logic ceases to exist. No one may truly know what you are going through. But that's why it's special because if it were not for you, the world would not know that this is a feeling that is possible to feel too. This is the best time to prepare for the next time, right when you are in the middle of this time. Anticipate the unfolding that is coming until the next time and plan for it. Embrace this slow process. Sometimes it will be easier, enjoy that cycle but don't count on it to stay just so that it doesn't take you by surprise when its not going as expected. There is no need to be enemies with PMS. Let it become a part of your life with least resistance and maximum alignment. You can pull away some of the attention from it though.
If there is one thing that you could do, that is not an excuse to be self destructive, what would it be? Cooking? Gardening? Taking your pet for a walk? Writing? Do it. Do it for 5 mins. 10 mins. Or howsoever long you'd like. What would count is that you did it. You didn't let yourself be pinned down. It's alright if no one understands what's happening. In time, the change will come. You'll bring it. When you'll know about it better and not let it break you down. The system, the society will not be able to help us unless we help ourselves first.
You are good. You are not defined just by this. When it's over, you'll agree with me. You don't necessarily need the empathy of anyone not finding it in them. You need your own support and you are very capable of giving it to yourself. You are kickass. Sometimes, this realisation comes after wreaking some havoc. See where you are, what can you permit yourself, what is your support system like, how much can you care for yourself and do the maximum possible. Whatever you manage to do or not, it's alright. See what can wait. By being there for yourself, you are doing the best for everyone included. We can only do good or make others happy when we are good and happy ourselves. Let PMS be a reminder for some self support, self love and self care. Let it be a reminder of you as a constantly growing and evolving person.
Don't be afraid. Don't hate pain. Don't give it that power. If you talk about it over and over in the same way, it will sound tiring to yourself and others. But you can build a circle of trust and inform the necessary folks about its onset so that they are aware and toxic situations can be reduced if not avoided altogether.
Don't be ashamed. Be proud, humble and grateful for your feminine strengths. Identify them. Thrive on them. Put them to good use to make the world a better place. Support other women. Teach your men. But at a better time. Don't miss these opportunities. Be brave and share your story. Having to put it in a story will help you find clarity yourself and can help someone else find resonance and missing words for a similar experience of their own.
You are not a bad person. You are a beautiful soul always. This is temporary. It's biological. It's not the reflection of your entirety of being. You are going to be Ok. You are Ok. This bad mood is going to slip away. You don't need to understand everything right this second. You can come back to it later because you will feel better. Much better. Whatever seems wrong now, it will be taken care of eventually. Apologize in your mind if you have said or done something that you wish you hadn't. You can choose to makeup for it later. You can learn from this situation. Anticipate your triggers and be prepared for them as much as you can. Something may still go wrong but that's alright too. What counts is that you improved, you learnt and that your awareness heightened. You can handle it even if it feels like you can't. You are stronger than you think. You are the personification of the creative force of nature. Life itself. You have the ability to shape it. So choose. Choose to shape it the way you want rather than being shaped by it. Don't try to make any important decisions right now. Wait until later if possible.
This is the time to get existential triggers but not the best time to solve them. Try not to have a staring contest with your walls and ceiling.
Stay away from social media if it triggers you.
Have loving company who cares for you beyond this temporary state of yours. Entertain yourself and cut yourself some slack but don't let PMS become an excuse to self sabotage your progress, your discipline. Give yourself some healthy stimulus. A good movie. Some good music. Tend to what you naturally love, your garden, your art. Clean up if that makes you feel better. Do some brainless, 'boring' mechanical work. It can feel surprisingly meditative and you might just get happier than expected upon seeing the results. Don't stay in bed for too long, it may give you more back-ache. Try some low effort yoga positions or walk some. Give a shot to standing meditation if zen living is your thing. When a moment of inspiration strikes, write it down and paste it somewhere, like the inside of your almirah where you can see it everyday as a reminder. You can't remind yourself enough of inspiration that works for you.
Slowly reprogram yourself month after month and one day you'll be so proud to see all the progress you've made. I see you there already. Hug yourself from my side and your side...and get on with life.
- from one girl with bad pms to another